FOX LOCAL: Live News & Weather

I was watching the 10 o’clock show - I have never felt so old “ you said when you was young the subject was called posers . When I was young we called it roll play or theater period. I love social media. I have been on online longer than my grown children. The one part she was explaining was like having a book and a coffee, and you don’t read. My generation call that attention seeker isn’t it all the same thing?Sharon Poff

An extra star for removing most of advertisements formerly disguised as legitimate news links, FOX Local remains an app for those who have difficulty reading at a level commensurate of a fifth-grade public school student. The app features stories presented as if they were National Enquirer fluff pieces geared for those with short attention spans who are willing to sacrifice journalistic integrity for hyperbolic simplicity. FOX Local takes an inordinate amount of time to load on even the most recently released iPhone models with the latest iOS, only to offer disappointing treatments and micro summaries that make just about every other local news app preferable and superior to all, save for the intellectually challenged minority with an abundance of time on their hands. That being said, FOX Local is recommended for those who acquire most of their news from the headlines and who consider any story longer than a few sentences worthy of a TLDR designation. The words are simple and easy to read for those so challenged. The only downside for those who find paragraphs daunting would be the lack of pictures.

So apparently this “Fox Local” app thinks it’s the keeper of time and reality itself. Twice a day, like some needy ex with commitment issues, it pops up to tell me: “Update required.” Really? Because when I stroll over to the App Store like the obedient little sheep you desperately want me to be, guess what I find? That I’m already on the most current, cutting-edge, bleeding-edge, nothing-left-to-add version. Literally the most updated version in existence. I AM THE UPDATE. So let me get this straight: the app knows it’s updated, the App Store knows it’s updated, and I, a human being with two brain cells rubbing together over morning coffee, know it’s updated. But somehow, you, the actual app, don’t know? Bruh… that’s like a Ferrari insisting it’s a tricycle, or Gordon Ramsay walking into Taco Bell and asking what a taco is. This is digital gaslighting at its finest. “Update required.” No it isn’t, Karen. You’re just broken. Stop asking. You’re like a smoke alarm that goes off when someone makes toast: loud, useless, and unwanted. Fix your app, because right now it’s less “Fox Local” and more “Fox Totally Lost in the Sauce.” Mic. Dropped. BOOM. Nuclear crater where your credibility used to be.