99 Bottles!

I was feeling absolutely depressed due to having to stay inside of my dreary, lonely, sad home during this time of social distancing (due to COVID-19). I felt bored, like I had no purpose to keep waking each morning. Even the presence of social media, my family, or a few spare friends could convince me to get out of bed. One day, as I was laying upon my pillows, wrapped like a snug sushi roll in my grey and fluffy blanket, I found this app, suggested to me by the App Store. At first, I was suspicious. It certainly didn’t seem to be anything special. Boy, was I wrong! Ever since, the robotic (yet melodic) tune of this absolutely breathtaking song has been ringing beautifully through my ears. This truly has changed my life and turned my mood around. I would highly recommend this app to most everyone and, when I am allowed to see people again, will be suggesting it to every single person on the street! 99 Bottles 4Eva!!! 🍾🍾

I was chilling out with my boys one day and one of them asked me out of the blue, “What’s the worst app you’ve ever heard of?”Without any hesitation, I told my pal, “99 Bottles!, of course.” They looked at me with an intrigued expression. “What makes this app so horrible?” they asked at once.I sighed and began telling them about the capitalist society we live in today that makes the rich take beer away one bottle at a time. I told them my tale of why I must defeat this saga of terror, of course telling them how much beer bottles are important to me. Although I do not drink beer, wine, water, or any other liquid, I collect bottles, hoping one day I will be able to start my own glass bottle symphony.“Well, what’s the premise of the app?”I stared at them, dumbfounded at what to respond. “I—I don’t know,” I stuttered, “I suppose I’ve never used the app.”I knew what we were all thinking: we should download the app to find out. And so we did.To make this story short, 99 Bottles! is my savior, my angel, and the light in my life. I wake up every day just to play 99 Bottles! Sometimes, when I’m feeling a bit wild, I set it to 1 bottle and play it over and over. I would recommend 99 Bottles! to any of my friends. Fortunately, they all know about it.Although my wife left me over my so-called “obsession” of 99 Bottles!, the monotone robot voice fills my soul with a fuzzy, warm feeling.Thank you, 99 Bottles! for getting me through dark times, such as when my wife took the children after I contemplated renaming them to “Bottle 99” and “Bottle 98”. You are my savior ☺️🙏

In my day, i was a bad person. I went to jail multiple times and life, let’s say, did not give me any lemons. Three years ago, i went to jail for beating a parked car with a shopping cart because it was in the way of my car door. I ended up breaking the car’s rear window and back windows. In my jail cell that night, a light came down from my window. It was the Lord, Jesus himself. At first i was scared, i was an atheist at the time and i didn’t know if he would punish me for it. But what he did was, take my hand and he said “My Son, i know you have sinned. I’m disappointed in you but i will forgive you. Once you leave prison, promise me you will get this free app.” Before i could ask him the name, he left in a flash. A few months later, i sat on my couch scrolling through the App Store to see if any app would stand out.... and one did. ‘99 Bottles!’ There it was, practically glowing. I quickly downloaded the app. And i listened, it was Jesus himself singing the jingle “99 bottles of beer on the wall” I lip synced each part until the very end. Each bottle taken off the wall and passed around, a tear dripped out of my eye. Get this app, it will bless your heart and turn your life around, just like it did to mine.🙏😇